`yijunn. Friday, May 15, 2009
it's been ages since i've done this, and i think i've finally understood why. i didn't blog for so long, because i was content with the old pen and paper method, and wrote my thoughts in my diary whenever the need arose. because i felt that i didn't want people reading what i think and feel, especially nameless and faceless people. but now i think i've got it sorted out for the moment. i've realised that it doesn't really matter, because passerbys and everyone else are just going to read what i write as a form of entertainment, an update of my life maybe, and move on with their lives. in the end, everything i write only matters to me. i'm the only one who's going to read through my archives whenever i feel like it, laugh at certain memories, relive certain heartaches, rethink through past reflections, and make sure that i dont make the same mistakes twice.so after ages, i think this is going to be a proper heartfelt entry, although at this moment i have absolutely no idea what and how long i'm going to write. and i guess i only have time to do this because it's been very long since it's a friday night and i'm not working till the wee hours.
which brings me to my first point, i think work is beginning to lose its novelty. it falls somewhere in between because it hardly feels like a proper job since we're all not getting shifts these days. maybe going to OC will be a good change after all, because my life feels like it's in need of a makeover.
these last few months have been nothing short of awesome, though it's passing way too fast. i can't believe i havent been in school for half a year already, and yet i kinda have no idea what exactly i did in the last 6 months. i think i've mostly been straddling between the past and the present. in these last few months, i've learnt/seen so many things that have opened my eyes to a sort-of different world, and yet they inevitably make me look back and compare. would things have been different? could they have been different? and sometimes i think my memory's beginning to fail me. either that or like "he's just not that into you" says, some people have the amazing ability to plant their ideas into your head and psycho you into believing that you wanted that for yourself. but anyway, i think i'll forever be trapped in the past to a certain extent, because all around me there are so many reminders.
which is why sometimes i can't wait to escape to london! in about 3 months, a whole new life awaits (or so i would like to believe even though i thought the same about jc and look how it ended up hurhur). i alternate between "OHNO IM GOING TO MISS THE WHOLE WORLD):" and "YIPPEEEEE LONDON SO EXCITING" half the time, but i think maybe i really am ready for this new stage in life. and i've realised something too. that your best-friends-by-proximity at every stage of your school life should change. so that your old best-friends-by-proximity can still remain good friends through that old link, but not be inhibitory in your new environment. okay inhibitory's not the right word, but you get the point. which is why even though i'm going to london, i'm going to try hard to apply what i've realised.
although i know for sure keeping old friendships wil be hard. even now, i'm missing certain people but er too scared to talk to them for whatever reasons, and it's such a pity because we were once quite close. but ohwells fear's getting the better of me oops!
haha i think i just have too much time lately. and when there's too much time at hand what do ppl do but think?
and it's because the love of my life is not around to entertain me too ): tomorrow would mark the end of the 3 weeks! and no i'm not pining for some boy in army who's in field camp or confinement or whatever but dear angel! HELLO ANGEL HONORARY MENTION IN MY BLOG! sorry i didnt guest blog for you haha i was afraid if i signed out of my account and logged into yours i wouldnt remember my pword to sign back in again heh ><
anyway MAHJONG again tomorrow yipppeeeee my hands have been itchingggg :D